if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
