I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
