I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
