Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
