And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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