Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
