We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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