I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
