I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
