Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
worst night to have a conscience
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
