We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
