so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
