the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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