I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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