I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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