wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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