That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
