Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
