Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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