So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
