Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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