i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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