Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize