im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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