Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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