If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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