no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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