I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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