Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
