Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
