and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
