It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
