A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just threw up on my dentist
Princesses don't give blow jobs
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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