I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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