oh god the rape fog is back!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
