I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
