Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
