Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
