its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
