why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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