please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
