he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
