ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
