you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
