im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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