sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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