dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
