they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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