Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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