There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
