you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.