I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.