Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You are a genius and a whore.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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