Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.