Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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(978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj

Replies (32) Good night (13196) Bad night (867)
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(530): View more from California

Fat chicks shouldn't bartend

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(530): Fat chicks shouldn't bartend http://tfl.nu/r18g

Replies (245) Good night (929) Bad night (3618)
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(217): View more from Illinois

you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

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(217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9

Replies (42) Good night (10983) Bad night (1325)
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(254): View more from Texas

I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time

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(254): I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time http://tfl.nu/rajz

Replies (21) Good night (8338) Bad night (886)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

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(613): I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line. http://tfl.nu/g6vr

Replies (7) Good night (773) Bad night (4481)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage

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(724): Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage http://tfl.nu/yt67

Replies (19) Good night (3173) Bad night (1034)
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(618): View more from Illinois

She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.

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(618): She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover. http://tfl.nu/cpec

Replies (13) Good night (4151) Bad night (1002)
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(850): View more from Florida

I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish

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(850): I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish http://tfl.nu/yd4k

Replies (6) Good night (2298) Bad night (1226)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?

(325): View more from Texas

Jail. That could go wrong.

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(901): Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong? (325): Jail. That could go wrong. http://tfl.nu/f51a

Replies (5) Good night (2177) Bad night (721)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.

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(519): I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI. http://tfl.nu/5z2o

Replies (6) Good night (1923) Bad night (656)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him

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(859): I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him http://tfl.nu/eehd

Replies (10) Good night (1133) Bad night (448)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.

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(541): Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic. http://tfl.nu/b3rt

Replies (1) Good night (846) Bad night (465)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story

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(515): Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story http://tfl.nu/kctl

Replies (3) Good night (1840) Bad night (435)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.

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(423): In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like. http://tfl.nu/eb14

Replies (9) Good night (726) Bad night (349)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...

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(419): Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined... http://tfl.nu/mic5

Replies (3) Good night (297) Bad night (811)

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