My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.