Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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