The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
