Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
