apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
