I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
