Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
