a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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