Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
