I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
