Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
