I have demons in me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
