The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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