i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
