While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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